Secrets Secrets Are No Fun

Ive never been good at keeping secrets. Once, in fifth grade, I spoiled an entire surprise party for our teacher, who was about to leave for a job at a different school. Another time, I told my dad that when my mom was just starting to date him, she was also dating another man simultaneously. It was a funny story, or it would have been if my dad had known about it before I'd spilled the beans. I'm not sure if my mom has forgiven me get, and this happened while I was still in high school. Needless to say, I'm worried about what I'll divulge about Liam to Marie. 

Kolby and I decide to keep it on the down low until we come up with a better idea. She said we shouldnt tell her, but I'm not so sure. 

"There's really no other way to look at it," she tells me. "He basically confessed. He cheated. No other possibilities. Since we know for sure, there's no reason to involve Marie and cause her stress."

"But would you want to know?" I ask. Kolby shakes her head. 

"No," she says flatly. "It'll just mess with her head. It looks like she's getting out there and meeting people. Even if she wants to date a guy with a weird forehead, fine, so be it. As long as he doesn't cheat like Liam did, who am I to judge?"

"I feel like we have no right to keep it a secret, though," I say. 

Kolby rolls her eyes. "You're the one who can't keep a secret," she tells me. "I say we just wait it out. Maybe a week? Think it over and don't tell her yet, okay?"

I agree to that, albeit begrudgingly. If I was in Marie's place, I'd want to know. 

It's been almost a week since Cam and I broke up and I finally broke down and cried one night while listening to Reba (don't judge). It almost felt good, in a way; it was like I acknowledged the breakup and all the hurt it caused me. 

Of course, as I was crying, Emma and DJ walked into our apartment, hand in hand. I'm sitting on the couch, cradling a pillow, my face streaked with mascara from the night before. Not a pretty picture. I bolt upright and wipe away what I hope are the worst of the black smudges with my hand. 

"Hi," Emma says, looking startled. 

"Hi," I sniff. 

"Hi," DJ says awkwardly. He looks around at everything but me. 

"Um, go ahead and put your stuff in my room," Emma instructs. DJ looks thrilled to be out of this situation. 

She immediately rushes over to me with arms wide open. "Honey, honey, it's okay." Her voice is soothing and I rest my head on her chest. 

"It just hit me now," I hiccup. "I d-don't know what to do."

"Eat some cake," Emma declares. 

I smile a little. "Thanks, Marie Antoinette."

We sit like that for a little while longer, Emma rubbing my back in light circles. After a few minutes I tell her to go back to DJ. I don't want to bring them into my pity party. 

I go into the bathroom and wash my face, brush my hair, and take a few deep breaths. There's nothing wrong with crying, I tell myself. 

To distract myself from thinking about Cam, I call Marie, hoping she'll want to hang out tonight. I've almost forgotten about the cheating until I hear her voice when she picks up. Shit, I think, I hope I don't say something stupid. 

"Hey," I say brightly. "Cam and I broke up. Wanna hang out?" This guilt trip may be a manipulative move on my part, but I'm curious about this new guy and I know she won't turn me down in my current state. 

"I- what?" Marie is startled, and I know she's hooked. 

"Yeah," I say dismissively. "Let's get some ice cream or something. Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?" 

"Of course. I'll pick you up."

Twenty minutes later we're at Jeni's, Columbus' famous gourmet ice cream. I always get the goat cheese. It's divine. 

While Marie chooses her flavor, I tell her the quick and dirty about the breakup in a low voice so the others in line won't feel sorry for my pathetic ass. Marie is a great listener, gasping and exclaiming "no!" at all the right places. After we order, we sit outside on a bench. It's a gorgeous night. 

I finish my story and we eat in silence for a little bit. 

"Have you had any contact with him since?" She asks. I shake my head. 

"No," I say. "I'm all about closure, and it's taking everything I have not to text him."

"You'll heal faster if you cut off contact," Marie advises. 

I see an opening and take it. "Is that what you did?" I ask. 

Marie looks startled. "Um, I guess," she says. "Liam and I haven't talked side we broke up, that is."

"But this new guy... He's nice, right?"

"Of course!" I can tell Marie's bristling, so I switch gears. 

"How was the other night with him?" I ask quickly. 

"Oh, good," she says. 

"What did you end up doing?" 

Marie shrugs. "We just hung out."

Okaaaay. It really seems like Marie doesn't want to talk about him. I don't want to push it, but I can't help it.

"He did end up calling, right?"

Marie looks scandalized and chomps down on her spoon. "Look, he did, okay? We're just having fun. It's no big deal. You don't have to babysit me. I know what I'm doing."

"Marie," I say, startled. "I wasn't trying to say you didn't know what you're doing. I'm just curious at what's going on in your life. Obviously you like this guy if you've seen him a few times, and, well, the other night you were acting a little distant. I just wanted to make sure everything is okay."

"Well, it is," she says as she stabs her spoon into the lump of ice cream. 

After a few moments of silence, I try again. "So you think I shouldn't talk to Cam?"

"Do you want to?" She asks. 

"Honestly, not really," I admit. "I'm sad, I'm in shock, but I'm mostly angry. He really hurt me and I hate that it ended like that."

"That's something I definitely understand," Marie says, and I detect a trace of bitterness in her voice that makes me wonder. Did she suspect something had been going on with Liam before they broke up?  

"Hey, I'm sorry I grilled you about this new guy," I say sheepishly. "I just want you to be happy."

"I know," Marie says, and gives me a tiny smile. "I just hope everything goes well."

I nod; can't argue with that. 

Our ice cream is finished, so I suggest we head home. Marie drops me off at my apartment, and when she does, I can't help but think about how we're both keeping secrets.