Blindsided

            I scrub dishes in Jeannie’s gigantic sink with extra vigor.  My arms will without a doubt be sore tomorrow, but for now I relish the harsh scraping motions.  It’s almost soothing.  Jeannie is chatting with me, her voice nervous.  Cam and his father snuck off a while ago; I’m not sure if they’re arguing or just having a glass of whiskey together or something. 

            I feel as though I’ve swallowed whiskey myself—the uneasy feeling that began at dinner has only grown into a full-blown stomachache.  I had not been expecting this at all.  I know dinner with the parents can be scary, terrifying, even.  But Tom had been so rude, and I’d been so unprepared!  Maybe I would have avoided talking about my job or stuck to silence and smiling if I’d known he’d have been so upset. 

            “You know, he and Clara don’t always see eye to eye,” Jeannie says carefully.  She’s drying a dish, not looking at me but staring into space as though deep in thought.  “She’s the baby, and she’s got a bit of a rebellious streak in her.”  She lets out a light laugh.  “The girl’s got spunk.”

            I glance at Cam’s mother.  Is she jealous of her daughter?  I wait and listen. 

            Sure enough, Jeannie continues.  “Cam and his older brother had their crazy years as well, of course.  But they followed in their father’s footsteps.  Both of them are very smart like their father, and they now work in business.”  She shrugs as I hand her a dish.  “Clara is incredibly intelligent as well, and she would be a fabulously successful accountant.  I can even picture her working in sales.  But she wants to do music.  It’s her calling.  Tom doesn’t agree with that, however.” 

            Suddenly it all clicks into place.  Cam and his brother listened to their father’s career advice.  Clara seems to be refusing and choosing the path less taken and following her passion instead of what’s been set out for her.  I swallow.  Maybe that was why Cam’s father was so rude to me.  I have a job that isn’t typical, but he called it “women’s work.”  I wonder if he thinks music is women’s work as well. 

            “So he wants what’s best for her,” I say, knowing I’m treading on thin ice.  I don’t even know these people, not at all.  I’ve already caused enough of a stir, and definitely don’t want to insult Jeannie. 

            However, she’s nodding.  “Oh dear, I’m afraid I’m spinning you into my family’s web,” she says with a slight laugh.  “I didn’t mean to burden you, Ryan.  I know you weren’t expecting tonight to turn out like this, and to be quite frank, neither did I.”  She dries off the last dish and turns off the faucet.  “You’re right, though.  Tom wants Clara to be successful.  He sees her working in sales or in finance, maybe for a bank.  And the funny thing is that Clara would excel in those fields.”  She shakes her head and looks at me.  “But it’s not what she wants.  How do you tell your child she can’t do what she wants?”  Jeannie shakes her head.  “Well, anyway.  These are the things that burden me from day to day.  All in a day’s work of being a mother, I’m afraid.  That worry never really goes away.”

            I think to my mother and how she always pushed me to follow my dreams.  She worked in design, so supporting my desire to write and work in fashion wasn’t a touch choice for her.  My dad just wanted to be happy.  But I’m sure they worried about me, especially at the end of college when I couldn’t find a job for the first few months after graduation.  But neither of my parents ever pressured me to change my career path or that my dreams were “for women only” or not ambitious enough. 

            I’m a little overwhelmed at how much I now know about Cam’s family.  Jeannie is sweet, but I can’t believe she’s told me so much about her life and family stresses.  Then again, I did just sit through one of the most uncomfortable dinners I’ve experienced, so I suppose an explanation was due. 

            “Should I go find Cam?” I ask.  Jeannie nods. 

            “That might be best.  I’m sure Tom is getting tired.  He had a long day at work.”  She points me in the right direction. 

            Sure enough, I find Cam.  He and his father are speaking in low voices, but silence settles over them like a blanket when I approach. 

            “Hi, Cam.  I think I’m ready to go,” I say, avoiding eye contact with his father.  Cam sits up and adjusts his shirt. 

            “Let’s go,” he says, his voice strained.  Tom stands as well, and for a second I’m afraid he’s going to say something.  However, he just holds out his hand for me to shake. 

            “It was nice meeting you, Ryan,” he says. 

            I smile politely.  “Thank you.  It was nice meeting you as well.”  With that, I grab Cam’s arm and we leave Tom standing alone in the room.

            We say goodbye to Jeannie, who gives us hugs and a Tupperware container of food to go.  As we leave the house, I spot Clara outside.  She waves, and I walk over to her. 

            “If you ever need to talk, have Cam give you my number,” I tell her in a low voice.  “I don’t exactly work at the most traditional job, but I made it happen.  And I know you will too.”  I smile at her and we wave again.  Clara doesn’t say anything, so I’m not sure if she thinks I was helpful or weird, but at this point, I don’t care. 

            As soon as we drive out of the neighborhood, Cam asks, “What did you tell Clara?”

            I hesitate.  Cam doesn’t know what his mother and I discussed, and I almost don’t want to tell him.  He asked, however, and I can’t lie to him.

            I tell him briefly what happened, and I can tell by his body language and tightening grip on the steering wheel that he is not happy. 

            “You told my sister to call you?  Ryan, it’s not an abusive household,” he says sharply. 

            I look over at him in shock.  “Cam.  Of course it isn’t.  I never said that!”

            “You kind of implied it,” he tells me. 

            “That’s not at all what I meant by it,” I say, taken aback.  “I was in a similar situation, career-wise.  I thought she could use some advice if she wants it.”

            “What could you possibly tell her?  To follow her heart?  To disconnect from her family?” He shakes his head. 

            “Do you want her to follow in your footsteps?” I ask carefully.

            Cam sighs.  “I don’t know what I want.  It’s her life.  But she’s making it harder on herself by arguing with our parents all the time!  I want her to be successful, too.”

            I don’t know what to say.  I feel as though I’ve meddled enough into his family business, so I don’t want to talk about Clara anymore.  However, I can’t stop my next words from bubbling out. 

            “Why didn’t you tell me that your father wouldn’t like me?”

            “It’s not like he doesn’t like you,” Cam corrects me sharply.  I heave a sigh.  “Okay, yes, he was rude.  I’m sorry.”  His tone is angry.  “I should have told you that my family is fucked up and my dad has a temper and he wouldn’t approve of your job or your name or anything about you.  He’s difficult sometimes.  But if I’d told you, you would have been nervous.”

            “But I would have been prepared!”

            “Would you have, though?”

            I raise my hands in defeat.  “I don’t know.  Maybe?  But don’t you think you should have said something?”

            Cam’s knuckles are white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly.  “I don’t have an answer to that, Ryan.” 

            We sit in silence for the rest of the car ride, and I wonder how much more silence I can take.  Is it really too much to ask that he would have said something, anything?  I was completely blindsided.  I understand that he was anxious and probably embarrassed, but still.  He had to have known something would have happened. 

            We arrive at my apartment complex, and Cam puts the car in park but leaves it running.  We look at each other for a moment, both lost in thought.  I’m not sure if I should be angry or sympathetic. 

            “Look,” I say softly.  “I’m not going to lie, I really wanted to impress your parents.  And I’m pretty sure that I did the exact opposite of that.  But next time, even if it stresses me out, please just warn me, okay?”

            Cam’s quiet for a minute.  I look down at my shoes, waiting. 

            Finally he says, “Fine.  I’ll warn you next time you’re forced to deal with my family.”  He laughs bitterly.  “I haven’t been able to take a girl to my house for years, and until you I didn’t really want to.  But now I know that was a mistake.”

            It takes me by surprise how hurt I am by what he said.  “A mistake?” I ask.  I can tell by the way my voice wavers slightly that I might cry at any moment.  I gather up my bag and open the door, blinking to keep the tears away.  “I can’t do this right now.  I’ll talk with you later.”  Cam doesn’t say anything as I get out of the car and close the door.  He drives off, and I try not to watch him leave, but I can’t help it.  Though I watch him drive away, my arms crossed in the chilly night air, not once does he turn back to look if I’m still there.

Author’s Note:  Thank you everyone for your patience!  My internet has been restored, and hopefully I won’t have any more problems in the future!  Happy Friday!